forbiddencharm: (hephaistion)
( Feb. 26th, 2005 08:55 pm)
so two weeks ago, i was signed up to do a speed dating thing. serena and i had agreed to go, because we figured if both of us went it would be fun, even if only as something to mock afterward. and then, two days beforehand, she started dating someone and refused to go. now of course, we'd already paid, and being the poverty-struck grad student (read, cheapskate) that i am, there was no way i was going to waste that money, so i went ahead by myself. it was an interesting process, and i can see how it could work-- you really can tell in a few minutes if you're interested enough in the other person to talk to them again. ironically, the only interesting man i met that evening was the one i got to talking with beforehand, who wasn't actually doing the speed dating. we got together later that week, had a wonderful time, made plans to go out again, and then his company recalled him to london. i'm-- frustrated. the only man i've met in months that i've found really, seriously interesting, (and the most interesting one since, wow, since mike armer) and he leaves the country. he's hoping to be permanently transferred here in a couple of months, but nonetheless, frustrating.
well, the blind date came and went. i dunno, he was nice enough, it was just--blah. we had good food, a fun time, nice conversation-- but it was blah. we could have some fun hanging out, but even that would be just an occasional thing. no spark, no chemistry. i think he's very sweet, but entirely lacking in spice.

the interesting thing about it all is that i used to be drawn to that, to the sweet and predictable guys, guys you could always count on to be there and to do the correct thing. and sweetness is still good, but i want the fun of not always knowing what he's going to do, of being surprised. how long did it take me to realize this? is this one of those things that has always been there in the background, that i ignored because i couldn't handle them then, or because i was afraid, or because i wanted to do the sensible thing? just another place where i was blind to the way i was thinking? or is this something new?

it's funny, because i pretty well expected this outcome, but i'm still a little bummed. i suppose you can't avoid hoping. i think this went pretty well for my first blind date though!


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