jeremie called the other day to wish me a happy birthday. really, i think he felt guilty because it was his turn to call and he'd forgotten for a couple of months, but the birthday was a good excuse. :-) he and swati are getting married at the end of october. they've been together for, gosh, three, four years now? it's so strange, remembering the four of us driving cross country in dave's parents' station wagon, dave and swati dating, jeremie and i doing whatever the hell we were doing at that point (which come to think of it was nothing, because we definitely met up with lawson in arizona and he and i were all whatever the hell we
were. arizona is a weird place for me--that's where i lived misplacedmind
's life for a weekend once too). everyone swore that trip was a disaster waiting to happen, that we would none of us be speaking when we got back, but we got back better friends than we had ever been, all of us. and now dave's a minister and jeremie and swati are getting married. by dave. (two days before halloween, which is kind of odd, when you think about it) i'm so happy for them- they seem so happy together, and they're both so great, i can't think of anyone better for them.
and at the same time as i'm happy for them
as a couple, i'm a little sad that swati and i didn't manage to keep in touch. and i wonder, i wonder--back before jeremie and i started dating, i suspected that swati had a crush on him, but she would never admit it. and then things happened and i didn't really think about it. but was she waiting for him that whole time? even while she was with dave? (i mean, they both knew it would never work out long term, what with the whole he-unconsciously-knew-she- was-going-to-hell-because-she's-hindu thing) did she not really want to keep in touch with me (and i did make a fair effort) because she felt oddness about the jeremie situation? or was it just the vagaries of space and the business of life and whatever?
made me think about the last time i got together with dave. he has such an intensity to the way he listens when you're talking to him. part of that i'm sure he learned in seminary, lessons on how to really
listen when your parishioners are asking for your advice. but part of it was just there already. he always really listened, and it's only now that i really get how rare a quality that is. when dave is talking to you, he's never using your part of the conversation to prepare his answers, he is paying complete attention to everything you are saying. it's almost disorienting, to look at him and see that there is nothing there but his attention. i think a lot of the time we almost rely on the fact that the person we're talking to isn't giving us their full attention all of the time. being around someone who isn't doing that means we have to pay more attention to what we say, because that's what they're doing too. i think that (and the fact that he didn't want to poach because boys are territorial in defiance of logic) is part of why we fizzled before we got very far. it was-intimidating. i wonder if that is part of why it's so difficult to be a preacher's wife, because they are always paying so much attention to you.
and i really don't quite know what the point of this all is, other than i felt like writing and this is what came out. and of course those of you who know jeremie et al will be pleased for them! (you met him johanna_b
, he was the one you thought looked like rif)