in which we learn the power of positive thinking through the lack thereof

wow. so, the exam did not go well. and this was mostly not an actual lack in my knowledge so much as a complete inability to communicate it. i was nervous enough to begin with, but one of my committee members was only able to meet me and give me her feedback on the written exam the morning of the oral. said feedback basically consisted of 'i hate everything you've written, i think you haven't read anything, and you never come to my office hours'. which, ok, fine, if you had told me this at any point in the three weeks since my last exam i could have done something about it, but in the four hours left i can't even read over the hundreds of pages of notes i have in an attempt to address this.

and thus began a downward spiral, where i started by sounding like a moron as i attempted to answer the first question and got lots of little details wrong, and ended at a point where i literally could not think of the name of a single archaeologist. at all. *shudder* not a good day. and i knew this stuff, i just...couldn't think.

so i have to retake it in september, which at least means i can re-read everything so that repetition will help it stick in the face of panic. made all the better by the fact that the meeting was with the person i tried to get rid of in the fall because i thought she might do something like this, and now i can't get rid of her.